It’s been 135 days since I last wrote a blog post. Some days I’ve had a lot to say, others nothing at all. And, for some reason, I didn’t feel like I could come back to writing without offering an explanation for my absence – even though I don’t owe that to anyone. I didn’t feel like I could just jump back in with a post about how RA has affected my body image, and, at times, disordered eating even though I’ve been working on it off and on since last July. This is my 5th attempt at writing since surgery, and I still don’t know what I want to say. So much has happened. Medically, personally, politically even.
As part of a Health Central project we’re working on, I was asked how I respond to people when they don’t believe that I’m sick. I’m happy to say that this has never happened to me when I tell people I have RA. Reactions range from shock and awe to empathy (from people who actually know what RA is) but never flat out rejection. I guess that’s pretty hard to say to someone’s face, right? But for the keyboard warriors of the world not so much.
The fact that my last post was written from a place of such anger and frustration has been bothering me for over a month now, but since then I’ve been so busy with advocacy and other projects I haven’t had time to write! I’ve also had a really tough month health-wise, which culminated in having insurance screw up my infusion last Friday. I’m counting down the days/hours/minutes until this Friday’s infusion, which gives me more than enough time for an update!
I don’t know how to ask for help. Not in generic terms, but when it comes to my RA it’s something I really struggle with.
I held off on writing this post for a while because I don’t trust the healthcare system not to fail me at every turn. Also, I’ve been battling a head cold (that’s now drained into my lungs/chest) that I just can’t seem to get over. It’s amazing how something that is a minor inconvenience to others can completely knock me out for the better part of a week.